ThatNorthernBloke

With Lynden Gooch cutting a lonely figure in the Molton Road dressing room, it’s about time we got him some teammates in WF3 ahead of the punishing season ahead.

Of course, given our theme for this year, they will be Americans. Duh.

But the beauty of this is that, at least to begin with, our team will likely be littered with women, because, frankly, the men are shit.

Sure, there’s ‘Captain America’ Christian Pulisic and Celtic enforcer and Spurs legend* Cameron Carter-Vickers, but when it comes to gold cards the women rule.

Now, I will admit, when planning this series out I had no information on what Season 1 would entail. We’ve since learned that there will be a large focus on Silver cards, and a little leaky birdie tells me that there will be an Eco that Yunus Musah fits into, which does change things a touch.

Formation, Formation, Formation

Like any good team, we need some sort of identity.

Pep’s Tiki Taka magic, Mourinho’s low block resilience, Klopp’s heavy metal football.

Our brand of football will likely be more… rudimentary. We don’t have the luxury of world class talent in every position, so it’s best to keep things simple (for now).

While it’s tempting to go full four-four-fucking-two, we do have to consider the players available to us early doors. Given my success with 4-2-2-2 and the abundance of central players at our disposal, it seems the sensible option, however, I’d be leaving some pretty special wide players on the cold wooden benches of Molton Road, and that’s not something I want — after all, I had Florian Neuhaus complaining of splinters in week one last year, the bloody princess.

I (eventually) want our identity to be one of free-flowing football mixed with the athleticism the US is known for. It’s a nation that create absolute cyborgs when it comes to track, field, and the pool, and I think we can do something similar on the pitch.

I’m stumping for a 4-3-3 (2), which gives me the fluidity of attack through athletic wingbacks bombing past inverted forwards, with the CDM giving me more defensive stability.

Once we have everything set up in game I’ll get Barry to whip out his tactics board for a more in-depth run through, but for now all you need to know is we’re going to fucking go for it.

With that said and done, we’ll run through our starting squad one by one, with a bit of background as to why I’ve chosen each of them:

The Starting XI

GK: Phallon Tullis-Joyce | 83

While Tim Howard would be the obvious choice between the sticks, if last year is anything to go by he will be unaffordable for a while.

That leaves me with a couple of choices — go for a male GK for height reasons, but sacrifice overall rating, or, go with a female goalkeeper for better stats but sacrifice height. Well, finesse shots have been nerfed from the beta, and I found someone who pretty much fills both roles.

Last year I used 6’1” Iker Casillas for over 500 games, and he was absolutely fine. Phallon Tullis-Joyce must have basketball players for parents, because she stands at 6’1” too, with three great play styles — far reach, cross claimer and deflector.

Plus, let’s face it, all goalkeepers are absolute dog water, so what’s the worst that can happen?

RB: Lynden Gooch | 68 | Captain

This man will need no introduction if you read Episode 3 (and if you haven’t you should).

Gooch is who this series centres around, and our talismanic captain is set to lead the way at Molton Road.

CB: Natalie Girma | 85

You might think Chelsea’s Naomi Girma would be an obvious choice at centre half, and you’d be absolutely right.

Bought for over $1m from San Diego Wave, Girma is an absolute rock. She has a coveted PlayStyle+ (Jockey) as well as base Block and Bruiser. Given her smaller stature those will be important, and she should feel nice when defending against quick attackers, especially given her 80 agility and balance.

CB: Cameron Carter-Vickers | 79

I did say that the men were rated a lot lower than the women, but Carter-Vickers brings something that non of the women can — being an absolutely huge, ‘orrible bastard.

The towering Celtic man is effectively a brick shit house on wheels, with a great pace stat and split meaning he’ll be quick over the ground. 91 Jumping and 90 Strength mean he will knock even the most hardy striker off the ball with a mere little finger, and he’s ripe for Evos as we move into the cycle.

A nice little bonus is Pinged Pass as a base Playstyle, along with 76 Short Passing meaning I should be able to get balls into my central midfielders with ease.

LB: Antonee Robinson | 82

Now I won’t lie, this one could be problematic. Robinson has had a huge boost this year, and was always a popular early-game choice due to his blistering pace and Premier League status.

On FC26 he looks like an American Alphonso Davies but with better defending. Low Agility and Balance may keep the price in check, but I expect this one to set me back a fair bit.

RCM: Yunus Musah | 74

I know, you are currently thinking I have lost my fucking mind. A silver card will be in your starter squad? Well, bear with me, young chickens.

Musah is no ordinary silver. He is a machine in the middle of the park, with well-rounded stats that are prime for an evo.

And talking of Evos, I have it on good authority that he fits one of the first for the new season, which is focussed around silver cards. He is one of the players I’m most excited for, in honesty, and he had a bonkers Evo chain in FC25, so I have high hopes.

CDM: Sam Coffey | 82

Honestly, this was the position that gave me the most headaches.

There is a plethora of talent available, from the dependable Weston McKennie or Tyler Adams, to the new kid on the block Johnny Cardoso, who frankly sounds like he should have his own Cartoon Network show.

These are all fine options, but all have downsides. Cardoso looks like a pretty bonkers card, until you realise he has about as much balance as my 3-year-old if she was on stilts and spice.

McKennie has hugely well rounded stats, with a little bit to be desired when it comes to Agility and Balance, but he lacks any decent defending Playstyles to be a lone CDM protecting effectively a back two.

Tyler Adams is probably the best of the bunch, but he has zero Playstyles. Yep, none, nada, zip. Not quite sure how that happens, but Playstyles are important to me early game.

So I turned my attention elsewhere, and stumbled upon Sam Coffey. She has similar stats to Cardoso, but importantly, absolutely glorious Playstyles for how I want to play. Base Anticipate, Block, Tiki Taka, and Incisive Pass. So, what she lacks in CDM roles (she has none), she makes up for in well-rounded stats and superb Playstyles. Sam, you’re in the team!

LCM: Rose Lavelle | 87

Our highest rated acquisition of the transfer window, even Fabrizio Romano didn’t see this coup coming.

Lavelle is going to be our midfield engine, playing as a Box-to-Box CM. She’ll be supporting the defence in one moment, then tearing up the pitch and launching attacks with her FUCKING PLAYSTYLE+. That’s right. Plus.

She’s got fantastic stats across the board and no less than SIX base Playstyles, she is going to be a lynchpin for our squad. I’ve checked her price last year and it was pretty reasonable, so I’m confident she can be in the dressing room from the start.

RW: Emmanuel Sabbi | 70

Okay, this time I might actually have lost my mind. But I have good reason.

Originally this was going to be Captain America himself, Christian Pulisic. However, upon hearing the new that Lynden Gooch would be captain forever, he threw his toys out of the pram and fucked off back to Milan for an extended leave of absence. Not one to take mutiny lightly, I have banned him until he is prepared to offer a full and unequivocal apology to myself, Lynden and the WF3 faithful*.

In his place comes Emmanuel Sabbi, who frankly, is just a cheetah disguised as a footballer. He has 90 Pace & Acceleration, and 89 Agility with 88 Balance.

That’s it. That’s the story.

His role will be simple. Run.

*this has absolutely nothing to do with needing to play three silver players for one of the Silver icon objectives. Nothing.

ST: Lynn Biyendolo | 83

Eeeee Lynn. Go on, get the Partridge jokes out of the way now.

Lynn is no joke though. She is absolutely rapid, and has the Finesse base Playstyle. She is, of course, my budget option. My hope is that I get Alex Morgan in my Icon Pre Order, but as that is as likely as me flying to America and marrying her in real life, I need strength in depth.

Trinity Rodman would be my first choice, but I know for a fact she will cost the GDP of Luxembourg at the start of the game.

Biyendolo had a 99 pace card during Grassroots Greats in FC25 which I used in objectives and it was nuts, so it felt right to bring her in from the start for FC26.

Barry did whisper something about a ‘Sargeant arriving to lead the calvary when the clock strikes 13’, but frankly I have no idea what the fuck he’s on about.

LW: Alyssa Thompson | 81

This is the player that changed my mind to include wingers. The American smashed Chelsea’s transfer record and became the third player to sign for a WSL team for £1m+ this summer, and she has a truly exciting card for FC26.

She has explosive Pace, great Attack Positioning and Finishing, and top-level Dribbling for a lower rated card. She also fits into one of the first Evos that will boost her Shooting and Pace by +1, so it was a no brainer.

Importantly, and what makes her stand out from other attackers at this early stage are her Playstyles. There are not many that have Low Driven base, and alongside Technical, First Touch and Quick Step, she is going to be a menace to those poor early right backs.

She’s already been a handful for our Lynd in training, and he’s football Jesus.

What’s next?

With our first XI complete, we’re ready to hit the pitch and start earning some rewards.

Our next episode is an exciting one — it will be the very start of FC26, including our Pre Order icon, Welcome Back packs, first challenge AND the start of our climb through the divisions.

Make sure to subscribe so that you don’t miss a thing, and until next time…

Until next time, Yeehaw!