You know what every good story needs? A hero.

A plucky underdog who rises up from nothing to beat the bad guys. Someone who you can really believe in, when everything else is going to shit. A maverick with a blistering backstory that makes you want to grab their head on both sides and ferociously kiss their forehead in a show of solitude and passionate encouragement.

Well, ladies, gents and non-binary friends, we have found our man.

He ticks a lot of the boxes for me. My maternal family are all Mackams, and this man forged his career in the industrial heartland that is the North East. I mean, I reckon he was conceived in the River Wear. Probably.

I’ve even heard that he once rolled across Roker Park, only wearing red & white striped underpants, as he gutturally chanted ‘Ho’way the lads!’ Until his voice went hoarse.

He is an American, of course. Otherwise it would be a pretty fucking stupid person to hang our hat on for this series.

He is now playing for my club, Huddersfield Town, which of course allows me, selfishly, the dual purpose of building a Town P&P this year.

And finally, we get to his name. It is one of beauty, elegance and, frankly, romance. When he arrives at our beloved Molton Road in WF3, this name will be sung by grandmas, fathers, sons and the young guns attending their first game. You could go to Bradford, Huddersfield, Sheffield, and you’d hear the incessant beating of the name…

Gooch! Gooch! Gooch!

(Hey, stop it you. I know what you’re thinking).

Gooch To Glory

Lynden Jack Gooch might very well be football Jesus.

Born on December 24th 1995, he was the Christmas miracle that has led us to this point.

Hailing from the Golden State of California, he boasts an English father and Irish mother, meaning, clearly, our boy was destined for greatness from an early age.

His ‘soccer’ (do I have to call it that now?) coach father clearly indoctrinated him in the English way of 4-4-fucking-2 from an early age, and this led to him being picked up by Sunderland at just 10 years old.

Now, if you think your 40-minute commute is a nightmare, try flying from the warm, sunny climes of California and landing in fucking Sunderland. I went to watch a match there in January 2006 when I was 15 years old, and it was so cold I still don’t think my testicles have descended back down out of my body.

But that didn’t stop our Lynd, who at the tender age of 16, battle-hardened by his years of no nonsense North East academy football, signed a scholarship and moved over full time.

Making a Mackam

Gooch would go on to spend 11 years on Wearside, earning cult status amongst Black Cats fans.

Much like his gritty English hometown, Gooch is known for his passion for the badge, never ending energy and skill on the ball — this lad will go for 90-minutes, not baulk at another 30, and then he’ll go and play football. This is something we will definitely be craving as we set off on this Hobbit-esque 52 week journey that is the FC26 RTG.

He even brings with him a winning mentality, having scored the only goal in Sunderland’s 2021 EFL Trophy final victory, as well as playing the full 90 minutes as the Black Cats began their ascent back to the pinnacle of English football by winning the League One play off final in 2022.

It’s no secret that, while the USWNT have no problem winning tournaments, the less said about the USMNT the better… (and no, we absolutely do not count the CONCACAF Nations League, before you pedants start).

So yeah, that winning mentality is important, and we’ll forgive him for ever having set foot in Stoke.

The First of Many

With just four short days to go until the release of FC26 and our first game, Goochy sits alone in his new dressing room at Molton Road, headphones on, Sweet Caroline blaring.

He will always be our captain, will always wear the number 7 shirt, and will always start every game. Whenever we can Evo him, we have to, no matter the cost. He is exempt from any punishments that would require us to quick sell him.

He is our Polaris, our rock, our guiding light in the night.

It’s now up to me and my trusty assistant, Whispering Barry*, to try and pull together a rag-tag bunch of Americans that can compete at the highest level, all while the challenges of this series loom over us like the barrel of a gun. Ooh, probably shouldn’t say that right now… anyway…

Tune in next time to see who will make up our starting squad on this monumental journey, and be joining Lynden in #GoochToGlory!

Until then, Yeehaw!

DJ

*Nobody knows Barry’s actual surname. He earned the nickname ‘Whispering Barry’ circa ‘86 while on the coaching staff for the Bulgarian national team. Opposition managers noticed that, just before something went wrong in a match, Barry would lean in and whisper to head coach Ivan Vutsov — sometimes a shrewd tactical adjustment, sometimes a cryptic phrase like “watermelon, Petrov is in the sink”.

Legend has it that he once predicted Krasimir Koev’s shoelace would snap in the 72nd minute, causing him to trip and sever his cruciate ligament. Another time, he whispered “I can smell the storm through my ear” and, sure enough, the match was abandoned due to a hurricane mere minutes later.

Some claim Barry used to work as a fortune teller in the Bulgarian travelling circus before football found him. Others insist he just has absurd cankles. All we know is, when Whispering Barry leans in during the 89th minute, everyone listens.*